“I felt it was worth it cause then I would be able to provide more if I graduated from college and  I would be able to help out my parents more”

For Nidia Bello, life was rough on her when her parents came to America. She was two and had to learn how to fit in before she could get comfortable. Her parents went back to Mexico for a visit after her brother was born.

Even after returning she no longer felt like she fit in, not even in Mexico. After returning to America and having to learn to fit right back, in especially now with a little brother and a sister, she eventually went to college.

Although leaving was hard it was something she always wanted to do. Despite being worried about leaving her family alone she still graduated and helps her family as much as she can while still living her own life.

Transcript:

Yajaira Bello: Uhh after moving here did you ever feel lonely?

Nidia Bello: Uh yes I did. Do you want me to elaborate more?

YB: Yes, please.

NB: Um i feel like- yea I- I it was lonely because I didn’t have anyone to like- and like I was the only child and it was just like my parents but my parents were at work all the time right and it was lonely in that sense and also because like once I don’t know like once I started well you ask when I got here right if it was lonely and I mean probably up til like probably around 4 or 5 that’s when I- cause before that I don’t know I don’t remember much.

YB: Ok. After Daniel was born uhh did you feel like nervous or worried about uhh y’know having a brother that was born here?

NB: Hmm well I was four years old and I remember like being excited when mom was pregnant cause I wanted a little brother and then I wouldn’t be alone anymore. Uh so yeah I was like really excited umm that I was going to have a little brother to like play with [giggles] um and then yeah I- and then- sorry what was your question?

YB: [nervous chuckle] After Daniel was born did you ever feel like worried or nervous especially since he was the first one born here?

NB: I think I felt yeah- I don’t know I mean at that age I felt- yeah I was like excited because I was gonna have a brother I didn’t really think about like those things [inaudible] y’now but yeah as I grow older like around when I was six, kind of understood that we were undocumented and that y’know that we could- uh I don’t know there was always the fear that my brother was going to be taken away because he was the only citizen and I don’t know we just had a fear of the government um but um so yeah I think that as like y’know once I started understanding what it meant to be undocumented or-or some of it right when I was six years old so then I was like- it was kind of scary like knowing that he could stay here alone and like what would happen if we were deported or y’know- yeah [small chuckle] 

YB: Uhm ok. Uh when you first went to school here did you ever feel like- out of place or scared that they’re gonna treat you differently?

NB: Well the first time I went to school here was to like- I think it was like pre-k. Yeah so I was really small cause y’know I came when I was two, so I went to pre-k and I just remembered not wanting to be there. Um and I remember like my- I would cry when my parent would go and like I didn’t- like we would like walk to the school- the guardaria and um what is it my- my- my  parents would like pull me cause I didn’t want to walk- cause I didn’t want to go to school [giggles] yeah and so, um yeah that was like when I was 4 probably and like I went to school and I just remember like feeling like- out of place uhm- and I kind of like really liked the teachers cause they would like I don’t know- like [inaudible] I didn’t feel as out of place with them, so like i remember they were really nice to me like they would give me extra food or like they would make sure that I fall asleep cause like we had nap time [chuckle] yeah um, yeah I don’t know then- but I wouldn’t eat at some point then my parents had to take me out. Yeah and then after that like I went to- I think I remember going to first grade or like kinder and then first grade and that was pretty- I don’t even remember first grade anymore [chuckles] I don’t know who was my teacher, anything but- yeah I mean it was a- like I think all through- like because when- in second grade was when we left again. Um and like I felt really out of place in- when I was in school in Mexico too. Cause the [inaudible] would tell me to go back to the U.S. yeah- and then um- and then I came back and then again like i felt like I- I didn’t speak English um I didn’t speak english and like I was really scared and yeah- like I didn’t- I was scare cause I didn’t know anyone and I was like a new person and- yeah.

YB: Um, okay-

NB: Did that answer your question?

YB: Uhm yeah.

NB: Okay cool.

YB: Um. Were you excited when you were going to go to university or college?

NB: Um, yeah. I was I- yeah I was excited cause like people had told me that I wasn’t going to be able to get into university and I- I’m the type of person like if you tell me that I can’t do something like, I will do it. To prove you wrong, so i felt like y’know I was getting closer towards my goal [inaudible] being excited about going to college and like- yeah also cause it was like something that my parent had wanted me to do and I was like “Oh, I’m actually doing it” [giggles] y’know like I was making them happy. Um and then- so yeah I was excited when I got into college.

YB: In college what was your biggest fear?

NB: My biggest fear? I guess that I wouldn’t graduate or fail- yeah that I would fail [chuckle] and like not accomplish what I had worked for and like it was really scary because it was like- um if I fail that meant that I was gonna disappoint my parents so- i think that was my biggest fear, like failing.

YB: What was it like when you started living away from home y’know in the dorms like were you uhh scared of leaving our parents alone or like worried?

NB: [asks for a break] Cause uhh even before leaving like I was uh- wait did you start recording again?

YB: Yeah.

NB: Okay, cool. Um even before leaving like I- I wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave. Like go to college yeah and this was like a week or two weeks cause um cause I was old and i didn’t want to leave my parents alone and i was like who’s gonna help them now y’know also leaving you and Dani cause you were still like- it was like I was going to miss out on you two growing up yeah it was really difficult like i really miss all of you when I left and so I really- I felt it was worth it like I did it cause I felt it was worth it cause them I would be able to provide more if i graduated from college and  I would be able to help out my parents more and be there for you and Dani so yeah even – it was really hard for me to be apart from my family and all of you um yeah it was just I don’t know like a sacrifice.